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Timeline / 07 Aug, 2015

Movie Review – The Fantastic Four 2015

Update 8/18/2015: Our Worst Fears Come True

Despite all our prayers, they’re moving forward with a sequel to this abomination. Damn you all to hell!

fantASSticfour

Original Article:

If you ask Josh Trank How to ruin a mediocre Marvel franchise which failed to pick up any pace after two movies prior?

His answer would be “let’s change the story line to darker origins and wander away from the Marvel Universe, plus let’s take the charisma out of the lead characters and waste 75 minutes of film, let’s not build any chemistry amongst the cast before we break out a huge fight, let’s just change the ethnicity of characters and the way they look.” And that boys and girls is exactly what he did.

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Let’s clear the basics ‘I am not a fan of the Fantastic Four’. I hate them more than I hate waking up on a Monday morning for work. The new FF movie not only proved me right, it killed of the charisma (or whatever charisma) the quartet had built through the previous movies.

The flavorless and unmemorable characters further wreck the movie’s flavor. Don’t take my word for it, this is actually trending:


Thanks to Josh Trank’s Fantastic Four, it is safe to say that the franchise, and all the lore behind it, is now dead.

The Movie

Possibly one of the most boring beginnings to a movie I slept under 10 minutes of the intro. Unless there is an Academy Award to be won for being ridiculous the new Fantastic Four is not even a good one time watch. Deriding the lead character of the franchise (Reed Richards) was the main aim of the boring at and times uninteresting first half of the movie. Similarly, the old Ben Grimm we knew has close to nothing as a buildup to his character.

A complete deviation from the Fantastic Four origins was expected and happens. The movie progresses slowly and after each 25 minute everything just speeds us like you pressed a forward button on the remote. Running through the childhood and evolution of characters is so amazingly fast & stupid that it becomes impossible to connect with any of them.

Now, you will feel sleepy because a quarter of the movie is spent inside a 12 by 12 studio aka The Baxter Foundation Lab. All is well Reed, Susan, Victor and Johnny are friends and a 2 minute emotional package fast forwards viewers through the creation of the teleportation machine. There is some electricity between Reed and Sue as they try to squeeze everything from love story, friendship, hard work and genius together.

But then all of a sudden this happens:

 

 

Reed Richards is portrayed as a school boy, a prodigy as they try to picture him but I lost that image in the second scene when a school teacher disses his teleportation project over light bulb experiment projects. Reed & Ben eventually meet Dr. Franklin Storm and Sue Storm who take their teleportation project to the Baxter Foundation.

Reed’s machine is patented by NASA that want it removed from Baxter Foundation Labs. Over a flask of whiskey Reed, Johnny, Ben and Victor decide they should be the first ones to make the inter-dimensional trip and not the experts NASA scientists, ok we’re interested. Reed proceeds to wake Ben in the late hours of night to tell him to come because he will not make the trip without him (very sentimental), lets check out the conversation:

Reed: Hey man we did it!

Ben: Did what?

Reed: We created the teleportation machine! We are going to teleport to a new world where we can be fatally wounded and transformed into freaks by an energy storm. And I want you to come with me although it has nothing to do with you. Come quickly!

Ben: ok!

(There is no such conversation in the movie, but it is better than what is actually there)

The movie goes into fifth gear, the team finds themselves teleported to a world in a new dimension where a foreign matter infects their DNA … blah and blah … they come back and bring just enough of the infection to affect Sue Storm and by the way they leave Victor behind. Yes, the same Victor who proceeded to be an asshole to everyone in the movie but later helped them built the godforsaken machine.

I never thought I’d say this, but man I miss these guys:

Fantastic Four Original Cast

These were characters with chemistry and plot. In Josh Trank’s version, four drunks create a huge problem by using the matter transmitter in the first place. Then they can’t think of doing something worst but leaving a team jerk in another dimension … for one whole year (he was presumably dead). After returning to Baxter Building lab Reed all of a sudden abandons his team, who are seen later embracing and welcoming the traitor, what is going on here?

Since there was no rapport or chemistry behind the characters the story is a complete catastrophe from this point. Victor’s infection makes him an evil snob who wants to end the world and all this because, we honestly don’t know, this doom character has no buildup and no dream behind his evil! This Doom character doesn’t want to take over earth and rule it but completely destroy it.

The final fight that was somehow maneuvered into the script with a villain who has nothing but horrific devastation in his mind ends in a few minutes. All of a sudden they are the Fantastic Four, it’s like 4 different people were writing the movie blindfolded, in four different rooms not talking to each other and listening to Justin Bieber songs on.

Now, can I please borrow a gun … I want to shoot myself.  

Four Reasons NOT to watch the New Fantastic Four

The poorly casted characters and no foundation built around their personalities starts to show in the movie immediately. Trust me people if they weren’t paying me, this review wouldn’t exist.

Fantastic-Four-2015-Characters

Reed Richards

Reed is not even a doctor in this great “flop-pic” yet he can create a matter transmitter from junk and generators made in China, when he is bloody 10 years old. There is no chemistry between Reed and the rest of the team, which is shown when he abandons his ailing loyal friend Ben in the lab and runs off.

Reed Richards is uninteresting and nothing close to the super-genius fans know he should be. He looks like an utter idiot, portraying no sign of the charismatic Mr. Fantastic in the way he speaks to the way he behaves. He is easily dumbed down and ignored while the only people respecting him are Dr. Franklin Richards and Sue Storm.

Sue Storm

Kate Mara’s Sue Storm has nothing to work with in the script all she has to do is get infected. The character is not only portrayed as boring the actress does a brilliant job of keeping it that way (awful casting). Mara does try to balance the emotional aspect of Sue’s character within the FF, but we’re not here to see motherly love here are we.

The first part of the movie shows Mara as a boring science geek yet she turns out way hotter in the really tight costume.

Johnny Storm

Possibly the only good feature of the movie was the excellent portrayal of Johnny Storm by Michael B. Jordan. Not only did the actor bring the cheesy, arrogant yet charismatic Human Torch to life he also did a great job at portraying the complicated relationship with his father Dr. Franklin Storm. Reg. E. Cathey who plays Dr. Storm is by far the only actor who walked away with all his prestige intact, a brilliant performance.

Jordan brought a certain personal charisma to the character with his cheesy acting and dialogues. Also he is the main man when it comes to fights together with Ben so it was a highlight of this disaster they called a superhero movie.

Ben Grimm

The worst Thing they could have probably designed and casted, Jamie Bell is not even in the movie for long. Probably a shortage of funds that deemed picturing the actor for more than 10 minutes as a waste. While he is seen for a short duration in the first half, the character is taken over by a hulk size stone monster in the second half.

Given the on camera time that he had Jamie Bell did a great job of portraying Ben’s friendship and loyalty to Reed. His bond with Reed Richards is one of the settling aspects of the movie, as poor Ben makes his last trip as a human to the Baxter Lab on Reed’s invitation to take the journey.

Dr. Doom

The writers, director and producers lost me here. Dr. Doom is clearly one of the coolest villains in the Marvel Universe. This is the guy who finds a way to the infinity gauntlet in one edition of the Marvel Comics and rules the universe. Well one fan call him a “whiny, stroppy, anti-authority teenager” while others say some colorful “beautiful” things.

Toby Kebbell was probably the worst choice to cast as the amazing evil genius. Due to his charming roles prior to the FF movie, Kebbell lacks the attitude, the persona and expressions as he completely failed to deliver the supremacy of Victor Von Doom. There was always a “big hole” in the script that failed to highlight the villain who single handedly challenged the Silver Surfer.

The worst costume design and the worst persona truly go to Dr. Doom played by Toby Kebbell. The Doom character has ample of time on the screen but carries not value to the script. The Victor Von Jerk presented in this “epic” depicts nothing even close to the Dr. Doom we know from the comics. The most ludicrous part is that Von Doom is not a scientist by portrayed as a master hacker.

The Climax

The final fight that was somehow maneuvered into the script with a villain who has nothing but horrific devastation in his mind ends in a few minutes. All of a sudden they are the Fantastic Four, can I borrow your gun … I want to shoot myself now.

The villain portrayed is more suited for an asylum because clearly he has issues against authority, I mean, what was the point of having such a waste in the movie. He doesn’t even develop a proper hatred for Reed because they NEVER BLOODY interact properly during the screen time.

Fantastic Four Movie review in a Nutshell

Let’s clear the basics ‘I am not a fan of the Fantastic Four’. I hate them more than I hate waking up on a Monday morning for work. The new FF movie not only proved me right, it killed of the charisma (or whatever charisma) the quartet had built through the previous movies.

The flavorless and unmemorable characters further wreck the movie’s flavor. Don’t take my word for it, I hate them right, check what these guys are saying:

 

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